MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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