Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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