no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..