Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Can i not drive my cunt home
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
