you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.