idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
