How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
