I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
