I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
