Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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