i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
