Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
