Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
