It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
