As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
