Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
