i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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