he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
