I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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