Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
