I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
