You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize