I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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