I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
