Don't make out with my wife yet
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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