I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
