right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
