So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
