I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
