Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
