I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
