Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
