And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
