Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
