The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
