the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
