Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
