Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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