i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
