There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
