she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
