He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
