Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
