I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
