Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
