i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
