im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
