my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
