i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
