Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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