So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
