; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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