To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
