i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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