we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
