I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
