That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
