I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
