who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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