i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think your dad took our porno
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
