fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
