have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
