she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
