if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
