I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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