You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
