You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my poor anus
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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