you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
