she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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