Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
