This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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