Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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