I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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